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| Fall 2011 Issue |
A Quarterly Publication of Adoptions From The Heart
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Reminder: Check out our Fall Events & Holiday Parties OUR 2012 CALENDARS ARE NOW AVAILABLE! November has become a month when families take time to celebrate the blessings adoption has brought into their lives. Statistics show that 6 in every 10 Americans are touched by adoption in some way which easily explains why this special observance in November, which began in 1990 as “National Adoption Awareness Week,” has grown into a month-long celebration. In the same spirit as Thanksgiving, when you reflect on how adoption has touched your own life this November, also remember those that share a common thread with you. Whether a family was formed through international adoption, foster care, domestic adoption, private adoption or an identified scenario, there is one thing in common with ALL adoptions .... every adoption begins with a “first mother.” Each adoption journey is unique but a common thread connects each story to many others. Remember your child’s first mother because your family would not be what it is without her. The specific reasons behind making an adoption plan are as diverse as the pregnant women making them, however the bottom line is that she feels she is unable to parent. Many women choosing adoption are facing extreme financial hardships and lack of support. These hardships do not just go away once she chooses adoption, they continue throughout the pregnancy and for months and even years afterwards. And with little support from family and friends, women may feel alone and hopeless which is why, with your help, AFTH has created several special projects to PAY IT FORWARD to show first mothers how important they are in lives of so many touched by adoption. They are the common thread we are celebrating. GET INVOLVED in the spirit of National Adoption Month! Join us in spreading the love for adoption by supporting first mothers in need. Getting involved starts with turning the page to learn about AFTH’s special projects. Paper Heart Project Local small businesses will be showing their support for National Adoption Month and Adoptions From The Heart by joining in our Paper Heart Project this November. How Can You Help? Visit our paper heart sponsor page for a list of sponsors or an AFTH branch office to participate in the Paper Heart Project Gift Card Drive Just before the holiday season, AFTH identifies several birth mothers, parenting other children at home, as being in need of extra financial assistance. AFTH donates gift cards for groceries, clothing and toys for the children during the holidays. For many, this is the only way they can do something special for their children. Last year we were able to help 35 families. This year, with the help of adoption supporters, we hope to help even more families! How Can You Help? 2012 Building Beautiful Families Calendar The 2012 calendars featuring children adopted through AFTH are now available for sale. All proceeds benefit the AFTH Birthmother Fund. See the last page of the newsletter insert for details. Already 400 sold - get yours today. They make great gifts AND support adoption! For questions about any of the National Adoption Month Projects, contact Ali at AlexandraP@afth.org.
Each year, just before the holiday season, Adoptions From The Heart holds a gift card drive for birthmothers in need of extra financial assistance. For many, this is the only way they can do something special for their children. AFTH accepts Target, Acme, Wal-Mart and Visa gift cards ranging from $25-$200 to be used for groceries, clothing, and toys. The gift cards are given to birthmothers with children at home in need during this upcoming holiday season. Greg and Michal knew that this would be the perfect cause to donate to in honor of Katie’s very first birthday. Invitations were sent asking that instead of gifts, loved ones would bring something small for the gift card drive. This was a particularly great fundraiser for them, as Greg and Michal had family and friends all over the country… generic gift cards to Wal-Mart, Target, etc. were easy for everyone to send. Not only was a this a great chance to give back, but Greg and Michal realized they really didn’t need more stuff in the house, especially when younger kids would rather play with the first toy they open…and the box it came in! Everyone in the family seemed to understand and appreciate why they were donating. When Katie’s birthday came, she still had a wonderful birthday party. “Especially after all the waiting - for the placement, for the finalization - people wanted a chance to celebrate with us,” Greg commented. “We had family and some close friends to the house. Everyone wanted to help, so we provided the cake and let people bring food. It was just a simple, fun day with all of Katie’s favorite people.” Greg and Michal say that they will continue to encourage Katherine to make charitable donations and give back to the community as she gets older. As she grows up, she will be able to choose the organizations she wants to donate to as well as help-out in a more hands on way. “As she grows up, we want her to remember that happiness isn’t about how much stuff she has. We’ve found that what makes us happiest is helping others and spending time with the people we love, and we want to pass that on to her.” We thank Greg, Michal, and Katie for the kindheartedness and support of Adoptions From The Heart!
Marla: Breathe. Enjoy the anticipation. While it is not most people’s path to parenthood, it is yours. Don’t try to pretend you are not waiting. Use that time to read everything you can about adoption...and do home repairs, cleaning, etc. There is little time to do that once they come home. Amy: You never know when that call will come. Ours came on a Monday and we had a 3 day old baby in our home Wednesday. She’s 15 years old now and it seems like yesterday we brought her home. You will become a parent, have faith. Janet: After finishing the paperwork you walk around with your phone every where you go - the second week you leave it in your purse - the third week - you never carry it - and then the phone rings and you were placed with the perfect baby! Hang in there it will happen. We were placed with our daughter after 6 months being in the book and we were placed with a perfect match! Mitzki: Sleep now. Do all those things you don’t think you’ll be able to do with a child, at least right away. Know that your child will come to you in time. Shop! Buy newborn sizes, even if you think they’ll never be that tiny. Michelle: Depending upon how you plan on paying the fees and where your money is housed, contact your bank in advance and find out how to access your money in a hurry. I wrote out the instructions and was able to pull them out in a hurry when we got the call to make things easier...even the people at the bank thanked me for the help. Laura: Never give up....We got the best Valentines present ever...actually got the call Feb. 15th and our sweet girl was born March 16th. There were several disappoints prior to that, but we know that Landri was absolutely the baby we were supposed to have! Danielle: Just take each day as it comes! We had an Emergency Placement situation and only 7 days after we finished our paperwork and got into the books in the agency. So we did not have a ton of time to think, it was a whirl wind. We had nothing, not a crib, a car seat, diapers. We were called on a Sunday and told,”you are a mommy and a daddy come meet your son.” I still cry when I tell the story and it’s 7 years later. I believe strongly, “what is meant to be will be!” Our Chosen Child, Adoption Profile Design: you should enjoy the “waiting to become parents” things like shopping and decorating, but do these things because you enjoy them, not because you have a deadline in mind. Remember that adoption isn’t always a straight line - there are often bumps in the road. If you know this beginning the process you are better able to keep your chin up during the difficult times. It WILL happen. Amy: Enjoy the anticipation of the phone call. When you get the call, things get crazy. Never give up, you will be chosen (and, NO there is nothing wrong with you or your profile.) When you hold your baby for the first time, you’ll realize all the waiting was worth it. Kevin: 1. It WILL happen. 2. Loved ones will ask question after question. They are trying to show they are engaged. 3. Do all your home repair stuff before the baby comes. 4. When you go to the store to buy the car seat and stroller (cuz you need them!), tell them with pride that you are adopting and that you’re not matched yet. You will be amazed at how strangers will wish you well as you start your family. Give people the opportunity to amaze you. 5. Start educating everyone you know about birth families using positive language. You’re laying the groundwork for when you have a child--people should only speak positively around them about their birth families. 6. Please take a moment from time to time to congratulate yourself on doing all the work of creating a family, and know that you will be a better parent for it. Cynthia: Waiting is so hard, but I agree the perfect match is out there. Read as much as you can about adoption and being a parent. I would also encourage waiting parents to talk to other adoptive parents and waiting parents for support. We even had to stop telling family when we would get “potential” calls, because they would get just as upset as us. Soon your life will be very busy so just relax and remember your angel will soon be with you. Thank you to everyone who responded to our post on Facebook. Don’t miss out on the great discussions. Find AFTH on Facebook and Twitter today and find support with others who have adopted, made an adoption plan, or are considering adoption. Find Us On...
RHODE ISLAND- July 1, 2011 Governor Chafee signed a law granting adoptees age 25 and over the right to have their own original birth certificates for the first time since 1944. MISSOURI - A provision in the major tax credit overhaul scheduled for debate this month by the Missouri Senate would scrap a state subsidy for international adoptions, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports. The provision would shift the tax credits to make them available for parents who adopt children in the state’s foster care system and donors who give to certain social services agencies geared to helping abused or neglected children. Federal - H.R. 1681, the “Every Child Deserves a Family Act” now in the House, would require any adoption agency contracted by the government to seek permanent placement for foster children to give equal consideration to gay and lesbian couples or risk losing its government funding. A companion bill is being prepared for the Senate and will likely be presented later this year. CANADA - Saskatchewan judge has ruled that a woman who gave birth to a baby girl named “Sarah” in 2009 is not actually the child’s mother, in a decision that exposes the gap between legislation and reality in modern parenthood. “John” and “Bill,” the same-sex couple who are now properly called the parents of “Sarah,” who was conceived with John’s sperm and an ovum from an anonymous donor, and carried to term by “Mary.” In granting John and Bill’s request, supported by Mary, to remove Mary’s name from Sarah’s birth certificate, Madame Justice Jacelyn Ann Ryan-Froslie of the province’s Court of Queen’s Bench, noted that the law defines a “mother” as the woman who delivered a child, and presumes she is also a parent, which is no longer always true. “It is clear from the definition of ‘mother’ contained in The Vital Statistics Act, 2009, that Mary, the gestational carrier, is Sarah’s mother for the purposes of that act, as she is the woman from whom Sarah was delivered. Naming her as Sarah’s mother on the registration of live birth raises a presumption that she is also Sarah’s biological mother,” the judge wrote. “In this case, I am satisfied on a balance of probabilities that Mary, the gestational carrier, is not Sarah’s biological mother. I am also satisfied neither (John nor Bill) nor Mary ever intended that Mary would assume any parental rights or obligations with respect to Sarah. As such, a declaration that Mary is not Sarah’s mother is warranted.” On October 16th, lots of families join together in supported of AFTH at the CoCo Key indoor water resort in Mount Laurel, NJ. Over 90 people came out for an exciting day of fun, including water slides, a lazy river, hot tubs, and lots of other water activities for kids of all ages! AFTH beach towels could be seen all over the water park. Birthparents and adoptive families were able to spend time together in celebration of adoption and the children had a blast splashing and sliding and spraying water all day long. Several AFTH staff and board members came to join in the fun in support of adoption. Even AFTH’s Executive Director Maxine Chalker joined in the water park excitement as she zoomed down the water slides. See photos from the event Together we raised over $900 in support of AFTH. Thank you to everyone who was able to make it. And for anyone who missed it… CoCo Key will be offering a very special discount for AFTH families throughout November in honor of National Adoption Month (more info coming soon). *Special thanks to Jessica Akre, AFTH adoptee, who successfully helped to promote the fundraiser as a part of her Bat Mitzvah Project.
We often hear about heartwarming gifts adoptive families send to birthparents, particularly birth mothers, - cards, pictures, handmade art projects or unique necklaces or bracelets acknowledging the shared bond. These tokens of gratitude are often held onto as symbols of the commitment to honoring the special connection. These families share an extraordinary bond and reminders of that bond are deeply cherished. Anne and Joseph knew they were given the most amazing gift of all when they adopted their baby girl not too long ago. Over the past holiday season, they were overwhelmed with appreciation when they received another unexpected expression of love from their daughter’s birth father, this time the gift was for their child. The women of the AFTH Virginia Office were deeply moved themselves when an active-duty Navy birth father arrived at the office with a special gift; a gorgeous handmade afghan with all colors of the rainbow. He came with a request that it be mailed to his child’s adoptive parents. The man had just come back from a sea-duty deployment and told the ladies how the time at sea passed much quicker when he kept himself busy It is quite common for navy personnel to take up knitting while they are deployed to pass the time but this knitting project had a much deeper meaning. A few days later, Joseph and Anne unwrapped the gift. They were overcome with joy. “The rainbow colors caught our attention and reminded us that we are all a part of our daughter’s history and life.” Joseph and Anne say that “it is something for us, as adoptive parents, to use in the future to explain the wonderful gift of adoption. We are so thankful for such a warm display of love and affection.” The fact that her birth father took the time to make the gift himself meant more than anything. “Many things show love, but something handmade is a treasure.” The adoptive parents have since sent the birthfather a picture of their baby girl swaddled in her afghan. He was deeply touched by the photograph and grateful that Joseph and Anne took the time to send it to him. He felt so much emotion knowing that she would always have the blanket he made. It meant just as much to him to be able to give her a gift as it did to her family to receive it. These two families share a connection unlike any other and the exchange of “I’m thinking- of-yous” is so incredibly sentimental. The birth father expresses his wish for his little girl “I hope she grows up with it, and looks back and realizes how much she was loved.” There is no limit of the number of hearts that can love one child!
Jessica Lost: A Story of Birth, Adoption & the Meaning of Motherhood by Bunny Crumpacker & JS Picariello - This true story of Jessica and her birthmother is told from both perspectives. Raised by a mother with whom she had very little in common, in a family where she didn’t look like or think like everyone else, Jessica successfully makes her way in the world yet wonders “where did I come from?” Acting the detective, she sets out to solve the mystery and is rewarded when she finds her birthmother who welcomes her with open arms. Harsh reality and difficult relationships are conveyed clearly with a good sense of humor and compassion. Becoming Patrick: A Memoir by Patrick McMahon - This memoir captures the bittersweet aspects of adoption, search, and reunion in a very moving way. McMahon conveys the pulls between loyalty and curiosity, shame and pride, private and public. It is a compelling story told in a voice that pulls you in and races you along on this very emotional journey. I Am Latino: The Beauty in Me by Sandra L. Pinkney - Similar to her book Shades of Black, I Am Latino is a celebration of Latino children in all of their various shades, cultures, and customs. Poetic, affirmative text accompanies bright and striking photographs of Latino children The Colors of Us by Karen Katz - A mother and daughter take a walk through their neighborhood noticing all the varying shades of brown. This is a great book to explore the variations in everyone’s skin tone. It doesn’t specifically talk about race or adoption; however it eloquently speaks about the beauty of all the different shades of skin.
In the 2010-2011 fiscal year, Adoptions From The Heart has placed a total of 161 infants in adoptive homes. Unfortunately there were 12 families who suffered a disruption, but AFTH is happy to report that of those 12 families, so far 11 of them have been placed with a baby! During the first quarter of our current fiscal year, we have placed 37 infants through our Domestic Program. Social workers in each office continue to do outreach to spread awareness about AFTH’s free services to women considering making an adoption plan for their infants. Adoptions From The Heart continues to work hard in providing birth parents with all the services they need and continuing to provide counseling, education, and placement services to our adoptive parents as well. AFTH would like to remind any families who are thinking about adopting to attend one of our free information meetings where you will be able to learn more about the different programs that we offer. AFTH is always looking for new prospective adoptive families especially families who are willing to consider adopting an African-American or biracial child. Information meetings and webinars are held monthly. For more information about the upcoming meetings, visit our online calendar of events. To all of the adoptive families who have been placed, please remember to send your pictures and letters to the birth mother’s office once a month for the first 6 months and then once a year (at least one week before your child’s birthday) until your child is 18 years old. We have many birth parents who are calling asking for their pictures and we are finding that they were never received from the adoptive parents. We really appreciate if families make sure they are sending the pictures to the birth parents on time. Please send between 10-15 pictures and a 1-2 page letter with an update on how the child is doing. Rest assured that even if you do not hear from the agency confirming that we received the pictures, we are automatically sending out the photos to the birth parents or we are holding them in our office for if/when the birth parent is ready to receive them. It is so important for birth parents and adopted children to have these memories and positive experiences in open adoption. Remember that birth parents are trusting that you will honor the promise and commitment you made to them, the agency, and your child to send these updates. Thank you all! We also want to remind all families that AFTH has a great Education Series available with classes in various offices. Visit the calendar of events at www.afth.org to register on upcoming classes. The upcoming courses are: November 15, 2011 - Central PA Office Stay in the loop of upcoming events and activities at the bottom of the page you will see a link to register for email blasts. You can opt out at any point in time. CHINA - The most current group of China families to receive assignments left for China on Saturday, September 17th with visa appointments set for September 29th. They returned to the U.S. with their children on October 1st. The next group waiting to receive assignments have a LID (log in date) of 8/3/06, which we have been told, is correct. There are only three active families with this date who have managed to hang in for the last five years. Two are from Allentown Office and the other is from Pittsburgh. In general, waiting families with LIDs through 7/28/06 are receiving assignments so it looks like the next three waiting families may receive matches a little sooner than anticipated although nothing is certain. Rumor has it that the reason for the two weeks worth of matches is due to the fact that the CCCWA has been closed because of their recent move and that expectations should not rise for future time frames. HEARTBEATS - There are no new pregnancies in the India Surrogacy Program since our last update, however excitement mounts for the happy couple whose surrogate is now going into her fifth month. The baby is due to be born in late February. To learn more about the India Surrogacy Program join us for our free online webinar on November 15th at 7:00pm. To register for the webinar, visit our online calendar of events or contact Roberta Evantash at (610) 642-7200 or RobertaE@afth.org. The Embryo Placement Program is growing again! We have partnered with a new embryo placing agency, Crystal Angels. Crystal Angels will be helping AFTH match our waiting families with embryos. The wait time to be matched is only running about 1-3 months. So sign up today! We will be holding a Free Webinar information meeting to discuss our new partnership with Crystal Angels and the requirements for the Embryo Placement Program. The next webinar is scheduled for Tuesday, November 15th at 6:00pm. Visit the online calendar of events to register for this free webinar. Embryo Education Series courses are running quarterly as well. The next series will be starting in January! These courses will cover different topics including: Talking to your Children about their Embryo Placement, Talking to your Children about having Full Biological Siblings that Live with Another Family, The Pro’s and Cons of an Open Embryo Placement, Telling Friends and Family about Embryo Placement, and much more. Additional reading materials and useful resources are provided in addition to the courses themselves. For questions about the Embryo Ed Series or Embryo Placement Program, contact Jeanne McGee at JeanneM@afth.org or by call (610) 642-7200.
The specifics of any new adoption rules are now in the process of being written, and will need to be approved by both governments. Therefore, it will still be a few months until the Agreement goes into effect, and until precise guidelines are known. Anticipated changes to the process, however, include: - Prospective adoptive parents should receive more timely and comprehensive medical and psycho-social information regarding children referred, prior to the finalization of adoptions in Russia. This would allow for families to better anticipate the potential needs of a referred child, thereby further informing their decisions in the adoption process. - Prospective adoptive parents may be required to obtain additional evaluation and training during the adoption process, some of it targeted to the specific needs of the child referred in a given case. In turn, families and their agencies would be able to pre-identify community supports to help best meet a particular child’s needs upon placement in the adoptive home. - Russia is expected to no longer permit “independent” adoptions. This would mean that only U.S. adoption agencies accredited by the Russia Ministry of Education (MOE) would be permitted to facilitate adoptions in Russia. Such agencies will continue to be able to contract with adoption service providers such as Adoptions From The Heart to provide home study, education, post-adoption, and other services to adopting families residing in states in which the provider agency is licensed. - United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) may add a “pre-approval” step (as has been used in the past with other countries such as Guatemala) to the adoption process. This would allow USCIS to review a family’s suitability and eligibility in light of a particular referred child’s needs, prior to the finalization of an adoption in Russia. - “Improvement of post-adoption reporting and monitoring” may involve increased reporting on adopted children being sent to Russia in the months and years following completion of an adoption, enhancing the Russian government’s ability track adoptees’ care, growth, and development over time. For example, Kazakhstan, Ukraine, Vietnam, among other countries, presently require for adoptive families to submit reports to them until adopted children reach adulthood. While some families may view this as an imposition, I have come to see this as a wonderful opportunity for thousands of families to show sending countries that the overwhelming majority of adopted children are thriving and flourishing in a manner that could not have been possible had they continued to live outside the care of a permanent, loving family. My hope, in turn, is that this can provide appropriate data and context for governments as policy and perceptions of intercountry adoption continually evolve. When the new Agreement goes into effect, it will not apply retroactively to adoptions that have already occurred. Further, families with dossiers already registered in Russia, but who have not yet accepted the referral of child, are to be able to complete their processes under “pre-Agreement” rules. No temporary suspension of adoption processing is anticipated as the treaty is implemented. Adoption agencies wishing to maintain accreditation in Russia will need to reapply for this within sixty days following the Agreement’s entry into force. The MOE would then be charged with responding to such applications within one month of their submission. Agencies seeking initial authorization to operate in Russia will also be permitted to apply for accreditation, under a somewhat lengthier timetable. All considered, the signing of this Agreement between Russia and the US can be viewed as a positive development for adoptions. While 2010 was a year in which many were concerned about the future of adoptions from Russia to the US, there is now reason to be hopeful that such adoptions will not only continue to occur, but that they will be supported by a new bilateral treaty aimed at improving the inter-country adoption process and further protecting the rights and interests of adoptive children and other involved parties. AFTH provides Home Study, Education, Post-Adoption/Placement Services, and other assistance in support of international adoptions. Please contact Sam Wojnilower at 610-642-7200 or SamW@afth.org with any questions about the agency’s international adoption services
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Copyright 2010. Adoptions From the Heart is a licensed, non-profit, nonsectarian adoption agaency. Founded in 1985.
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