The Do’s and Don’ts of What Adoptive Parents Should Say/Ask during the First Meeting with Birth Parents
Adoptions From The Heart’s Guide to the First Meeting with the Birth Parents
Express Your Feelings with the Birth Parent:
It is perfectly normal to feel anxious about meeting your child’s birth parent(s) for the first time. It can almost seem like going on a first date. As adoptive parents, you are about to formulate a relationship with your child’s birth parents. It is common knowledge that first impressions are very important. It is okay for adoptive parents to disclose to the birth parents that they are nervous/excited about the first meeting, because the reality is that they are too.
Exclusively Ask the Birth Mother Questions About the Birth Father and the Baby:
Take this first meeting with the birth mother to learn simply about HER. Ask the birth mother about her interests, family, friends and future plans. Of course, it is important to ask the birth mother about her pregnancy and how she is feeling, but also show that you genuinely care about her as a person.
Ask What the Birth Parents Liked About Your Profile:
Your profile obviously stood out to the birth parents for a positive reason, which is why they are interested in pursuing an initial meeting with you. This open-ended question could lead the birth parents to mention what they noticed they have in common with you. Knowing that both parties share similar passions and interest could establish some common ground and provide topics of conversation.
Answer Questions Dishonestly:
Do not just say “Yes” to every question the birth parent may ask because you feel that’s the answer they want to hear. Be honest about EVERYTHING with the birth parent regarding important factors like your parenting style and how truly open you want the relationship to be. It’s important for you to really listen to what the birth parents are asking. It is typical for adoptive parents to get along with the birth parents so well during their first meeting that they give answers like: “Yes of course we could get together every other weekend!” It is wonderful that both party members are getting along famously, but let the relationship evolve gradually. It’s a good idea to mutually ask one another what the concept of an open adoption plan implies. You do not need to come up with a concrete adoption plan right away; however, both parties need to get a sense of the other person’s expectations for the future relationship with the child.
Ask What are the Expectations of the Adoptive Parents:
Asking the birth parents this question will give you an idea of the type environment they want their child to grow up in. This could help the you and birth parents connect even more if you hold similar morals, hopes and expectations for the child. Both members of the adoption triad are aiming to give the child the best life possible.