When asked whether or not an adoptive parent is allowed to name or change their children’s name after placement finalizes, the short answer is -Yes. Most often, at private infant adoption agencies like Adoptions From The Heart, adoptive parents already have names picked out the first go-round, so change is unnecessary. During the adoption process, a decision is usually made with the counselor to avoid confusion, complications, or a drawn process down the line(post-placement). As adoptive parents, you legally become the guardian of the placed child(ren) and can name them full within your legal rights at any point. However, the truth is that even in naming a child placed with your family, layers of emotions, feelings, and grief must be unpacked to ensure the child has BPO(best possible outcome).
From the moment expecting parents discover they are pregnant, it is safe to believe millions of thoughts travel through their minds. Thoughts are being processed, decisions are being made, and one of the most important decisions a parent can ever have is the privilege of naming their child. In an adoption placement, you deal with lots of loss, love, and acceptance on both parts. Let’s dive into what the adoption triad may experience in naming their new baby.
In a recent video published by adoptive and foster mom Anna Leonore of ‘FromtheFosters,’ she exclaimed that there are many arguments for both sides. Some feel that since birth, parents aren’t able to parent, adoptive parents should respect the birth parent’s wishes if naming the child is what they so choose. Others feel that adoptive parents should be able to make that choice since they are the ones parenting and shouldn’t be deprived of their whole parental experience. However, what needs to be understood is that open adoption is not a clean slate nor an opportunity to start ‘new.’ It is a complete acceptance of the journey to get there and understanding that lifestyle changes and adjustments will need to happen in the child’s best interest. Everything becomes about the child, and because adoption comes with traumas and sometimes struggling to discover identities, she explains that it is always in the child’s best interest to keep them as connected to their roots as possible.
Someone recently published a question on Quora asking, “How do adoptees feel about adoptive parents changing their child’s name after they are adopted?” Adult adoptees from all over swarmed in to answer, some having been okay with their parents giving them a new identity, and others feeling guilt or loss because they feel like a piece of them was stripped away. For this reason, compromise plays a considerable role in this process. It is vital that Adoptive parents respect or at least compromise on the birth parent’s wishes, but at the same time, birth parents should understand that adoptive parents also may come with names that are special to them. Placing a child for adoption comes with lots of loss for birth parents and adoptive children. We know that for a fact. However, the best outcome for adoptive and birth parents could be to come together to make this decision that will stay with the child(ren) for the rest of their lives. At the end of the day, this process is about respect, openness, and honesty, the key to successful open adoption.
