I’ve never been pregnant. Yet I have a smart, beautiful, and funny daughter. She’s adopted. She grew in my heart.
It’s safe to say most people wanting kids expect the traditional route will work, so adoption is not on the radar in the early days. That was the case for my husband and me. We met at 30, married at 33, took a year to enjoy newlywed-hood, and then started for a family. But after three years of trying, including three rounds of fertility treatment, we still weren’t parents.
In February 2012, we turned to adoption. A bittersweet choice since we were closing the door to a biological child. Adoption is a blessing to people who’ve struggled with the “classic” path, but it signifies a significant loss too. Little did I know, at the time, our loss would also be our most incredible gain. But it sure did take a lot to get there.
While still mourning the idea of a biological child, we were making major decisions like international vs. domestic, agency vs. attorney, and private vs. open. We were researching the effects of drugs, alcohol, and mental health history on a developing fetus. We were discussing races and ethnicities. We were saving every dollar. We completed massive amounts of paperwork and prepared a book of our life stories.
On August 22, 2012, we were officially on the “list .”While we waited, I picked the color for the nursery, chose furniture, and started a wish list at Babies R’Us. I didn’t care about superstition. I felt closer to my baby, even if I didn’t know her yet.
On October 4, 2012, we got an email. We’d only been waiting six weeks, so it didn’t occur to me that it was THE moment. But this was the day we first heard about our daughter. Her birth mother found our profile online and really liked us. It was still a few days before the official match and a few weeks before our girl’s birth, but in my heart, that was the day we became her parents.
Our daughter’s birth mother is a amazing, brave woman who made a selfless choice. She wanted us in the delivery room, and because of that, we were there for our baby’s first cry on October 25, 2012. We saw her get weighed and measured while my husband whispered, “ten fingers, ten toes,” and I was the first person to hold her. She has been with us every second since that day. We finalized her adoption on June 7, 2013.
Our daughter didn’t grow inside of me. But she’s filled me with such a powerful love that leaves no doubt in my mind: we made the right choice in surrendering to what nature intended for us.
Biology aside, she is very much a part of me. And while I may not have carried her in the traditional sense, our journey – from the first meeting with AFTH to the moment she was in my arms – was nine months.
Written and Submitted to AFTH by Sherri Hatfield
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