November is National Adoption Month and we are highlighting members of the Adoption Triad. In this article, we would like to highlight an adoptee. Today, we had the pleasure to speak Cat Crossan, a 19 year old adoptee who is currently going to school for Nursing. This interview gave great insight as she dives into her story, gives advice to other adoptees, and more.
Interview Questions:
Q: How old were you when you found out that you were adopted and what was your experience like growing up in your adoptive family.
A: I never really found out, I was raised knowing so there wasn’t a time I didn’t know. It was never a secret. I had a very positive experience growing up with my adoptive family, it was a very close knit family. I also enjoyed growing up with my brother who is a biological child. Even though I was the only adopted person in my family, my family made it very positive. It never was a secretive negative thing.
Q: Did you grow up knowing your birth family growing up?
A: We would communicate by writing letters every year until I turned 18. I never contact but I knew her name, had pictures of her and myself when I was a baby.
Q: How did being adopted shaped your sense of identity growing up?
A: I always thought it was a cool, fun, and an interesting fact about myself. I had a few friends who were also adoptive so it seemed like a normal thing to me.
Q: Have you ever struggled with your identity as an adoptee, if so how?
A: When I was younger, maybe 7 or 8 I would wonder about it a lot. I wanted to know if I had any siblings or anything like that but as I got older I just focused on the family I have now.
Q: How has your adoption shaped who you are today and in what ways has it shaped you?
A: Specifically for me, my mom Terry owning Heart & Soul’d Thrift Store in Swarthmore, that is the main way. It’s important for me to give back. I also have a younger cousin who is also adopted and 6 year old. I get to help her with any questions about being adopted, so it is special.
Q: How has your relationship with your adoptive family evolved over time?
A: I’ve been with my adoptive family for as long as I remember since I was adopted as an infant. I’ve always been really close to my family. When I was younger I never really considered my mom as my adoptive mom, she was always my mom. So it’s been a really close relationship.
Q: What do you know about your birth parents or your birth mom?
A: I know a little about my birth mom. I knows that my birth mother had me at the age of 19, while she was in college. At first she decided to try and keep me but soon realized that she couldn’t do that while in college at the same time. If she was going to keep me she wanted to have an education to provide me with a better life. She decided the best thing for the both of us was adoption.
Q: How would you navigate conversations about adoptions with either friends or peers or someone who doesn’t know a lot about adoption.
A: A lot of times people don’t think that I was adopted and think I am kidding because my mom and I look a lot like each other. So usually, I have to start explaining that yes I am adopted when I was a baby. It’s the simple conversations and answering questions that helps people know more about adoption. In other cases, for example my cousin Nina who is 6 years old, she wants to know more. Nina would ask similar questions such as what it was like for me to grow up knowing I was adopted. A lot of the time just explaining to her and talking about it.
Q: What support systems have you found to be most helpful growing up?
A: I have two neighbors who were adopted while growing up which we became really close. So we relied on each other to support one another. Growing up, I also had some teachers who were adopted. A lot of times on the first day of school they would ask me to share a fun fact about myself. I would mention that I was adopted, so I made connections with teachers with a similar background as me.
Q:Are there resources or community that you recommend other Adoptees to go to?
A: I found talking about it, you’ll realize you’ll find other people who were adopted so that creates a sort of community.
Q: What if anything, you wish people understood better about adoption or the adoptee experience?
A: I feel like a lot of people think adoption is a secretive or a negative thing but it’s really not. Most people who were adopted grow up knowing they were adopted or find out really young. A lot of people are in contact with their Birth Parents. It’s a really normal and open thing and can be so beautiful. So I feel like it shouldn’t be so secretive and not talked about. It should have more of a platform.
Q: What aspect of your story are you most proud of?
A: I am most proud of my parents. Especially my mom because after having my biological brother my mom couldn’t have more kids so she knew it was a hard decision. When I was younger Adoption was more taboo than it is now because people would question my parents so I think it was really brave of them to go through the process. My mom always said that I fit into her life perfectly even when I was a baby and I was a missing puzzle piece. It can be so special and a great process.
Q: What would you say to other adoptees who are struggling with their own identity or emotions?
A: You have to look at the overall picture. Even though every story is different, I believe there is something beautiful in everyone’s adoption story. I know it’s hard to struggle with one’s identity especially when you don’t know biologically where you come from. But you can look at your adoptive family. I look at my mom all the time and she has the same facial expressions as me. That is something that I got from her. I know that biologically that I am not hers but she shaped me so much into the woman I am today. I really think that it is your circumstances really make who you are.
Q: What are your goals or dreams for your future?
A: I want to be a nurse and hope to have a lot of kids in the future, either biological or adopted. I loved growing up with my brother who was biological and I think it’s beautiful to have a blended family.
Q: Any final thoughts to any adoptee or any waiting family who are looking to adopt?
A: I say to those who are looking to adopt, I understand it’s a long process and it can feel scary but to enjoy the process it’s a beautiful time. For adoptees I recommend reaching out and finding a community.
Conclusion:
While talking to Cat she gave me a better perspective of her adoption story, who is is, and how it shaped her into the woman today. It was beautiful to hear that she had a positive experience growing up and she was a missing piece to her family.
If you enjoyed this blog please come back next week as we highlight a Birth Mom and her story. To read about Nicole Fowler’s, adoptive mother and AFTH Director of Social Services, story please check it out here: https://afth.org/nicole-fowler-nam/
To also find out more about National Adoption Month please visit: https://adoption.com/national-adoption-month-2024
