On August 1st, Adoptions From The Heart hosted its Heart-to-Heart virtual event that focused on LGBTQIA+ families and adoption. The Heart-to-Heart events create an open and honest conversation that focus on members of the adoption community who may otherwise be underrepresented. The conversation took place over a Zoom meeting attended by about 30 waiting and placed adoptive parents. The couples discussed various topics, such as wait times, building their profiles, and their personal experiences working with AFTH.
Working with AFTH
The couples—two lesbians and two gay couples—each spoke about what brought them to Adoptions From The Heart and how their journey as adoptive parents have been impacted by their sexuality. When it came to choosing an agency, the couples expressed that they were attracted to AFTH’s commitment to diversity and inclusion. They felt welcomed by the agency and like they could trust AFTH.
The meeting also included a message from Heidi Gonzalez, the executive director of Adoptions From The Heart, who is a member of the LQBTIA+ community herself. Heidi recounts how, in 1990, a gay couple came to AFTH with 27 letters of recommendation. They had already been turned away from countless agencies.
“We thought that was just insane,” Heidi said. She explains how this led to the beginning of AFTH working with the LGBTQIA+ community. Since then, AFTH has joined the HRC initiative and has prioritized inclusivity in the agency.
The couples also trusted AFTH and felt supported throughout their adoption process. They also connected with other AFTH families throughout their adoption process. Many are still friends with the other families and continue to support one another.
“The support system is incredible,” said adoptive mom Anne Marie. “It goes beyond the agency, but the agency is what brought us all together.”
Ann Marie and Darlene with their adoptive son showing off their pride!
Building a Profile
Building a profile can be a nerve-wracking part of the adoption process. Many of the couples expressed how the things in their profiles that they felt would hinder their chances of being selected, were often one of the parts that drew the birth mother to choose them. They explain that while these factors may have caused them to wait longer, they led them to a match that was perfect for them.
Showing personality in a profile also allowed birth mothers to connect with potential adoptive families. Allison is a birth mother who placed her baby with an LGBTQIA+ couple. She explained that when she came across the lesbian couple she ultimately chose, it was an immediate connection. Their profile showed their goofy side and how authentic they were.
“It was funny, and it was real, and it let me know my child was being adopted by a family, and not a picture of a family,” Allison explained.
Jess and Elena with their adoptive children letting their goofy personalities shine.
Wait Times
Many of the couples also explained how difficult the waiting time can be. Some of them waited three years before finally being placed. The families explained that the waits feel extra-long when you’re in them. It can feel defeating knowing you’re being shown and not being chosen. Despite these ups and downs, however, all families agree that the wait is worth it. They explained that they felt it was meant to be when the birth mom chose them.
Nathan and Matthew with their adoptive children.
Parenting in a Same-Sex Couple
Families that don’t fit into the “traditional” expectations of what a family looks like are often faced with their own unique obstacles. Throughout the event, many of the families explained the various ups and downs they experienced while going through the adoption process. Some recounted times in public where people didn’t recognize one partner as the child’s parent, whether due to race or gender. These obstacles add another layer to the already tricky world of parenthood.
Adoptive father Nathan explained how he needed to have more difficult conversations with his daughter because of his race and gender. While any child running away in a public space can cause any parent to panic, being a different race from his daughter and part of a gay couple magnified this issue for Nathan. He had to explain to his daughter that this behavior could lead people to believe that he wasn’t her father and put both of them at risk.
Donations and Future Events
Thursday’s Heart-to-Heart event also included a donation drive and a chance to win a $100 Amazon gift card. AFTH collected donations before and throughout the event and raised $730. All proceeds will go towards running AFTH programs and services.
The Heart-to-Heart events are designed to create honest communication through the adoption community. If you missed this event, don’t worry! There will be another Heart-to-Heart in November. Keep an eye out on AFTH’s social media and website for more information as it gets closer.
