Even if you know that placing your child for adoption was the right decision, it doesn’t mean that you won’t be upset. Even after knowing you picked the parents who will love and care for your baby and that you made the right decision, it can still be difficult. For many Birth Parents it’s common to feel feelings of grief and loss after placement. Learning how to cope after placement will take time, effort, and patience with yourself. Read below to discover ways to cope after adoption placement.
Feel Your Feelings After Placement
There is no right or wrong way you should feel after placement. Some days will be harder than others while some may be easier. You might cry, laugh, question your decision, or feel happy about your decision. All of those feelings are normal, and you should allow yourself to experience them rather than ignoring them. Suppressing your emotions can make it harder to cope. Let yourself feel fully without judgement.
Self-Care Tips for Birth Parents
Your wellbeing is important. Try to take part in small acts of self-care each day. Self-care doesn’t have to be anything elaborate; it just needs to help you level your feelings and take care of you. Here are some little self-care activities you could try out:
- Go on a walk
- Create a routine
- Go outside once a day
- Exercise when possible
- Focus on things you enjoy doing
- Read a book or watch a movie
- Detox from social media
Support Systems for Birth Parents
Surround yourself with people who listen without judging you. This may include your friends, family, therapist, or joining support groups with other Birth Parents. Talking to those who have been in a similar situation may help you come to terms with your emotions, knowing you’re not alone in how you feel.
Attending birth parent support groups will not only help you but also support others who are going through the same experience. Check out our birth parent support groups here.
Journal Your Thoughts
Writing is a strong way to process your emotions and let them out. It is up to you if you would like to keep your journal entries or want to shred them to get rid of those thoughts. Writing about your feelings and experience with placement can help you to break away from obsessive thinking and the “what-ifs” and help find peace with your decision.
Also try writing on a plate with how you are feeling and what you wish to “let go” can be cathartic for some. This act can symbolize new beginnings and the next chapter of your life.
Create a Scrapbook
Creating a scrapbook can be a comforting way to stay connected to your child. You can fill your scrapbook with anything that happened throughout your pregnancy such as ultrasound photos, hospital bracelets, letters, pictures of your pregnancy cravings, and so much more. The adoptive family may also send you photos and letter updates to help you stay connected. A scrapbook is a tangible space to remember the life-changing moment you went through. You can also add more to this scrapbook as your child grows up to keep all the moments in one place.
Finding the Next Chapter After Adoption
It’s okay to take some time to cope after placement. But when you feel ready, start thinking about what is next for you. Do you want to go back to school? Get a new job? Start a health journey? Start by setting a small goal that makes you feel excited to complete it or is achievable. This can be something like trying a new food spot or decluttering. Then as you get more confident, set long term aspirations for yourself. You still have so much life to live, and this is just one chapter in your book.
Need Support?
Adoptions From The Heart offers therapy resources and birth parent support groups. Learn more here.
