Creating an adoption plan can be challenging. Birth mothers may feel various emotions and have difficulty coping with the adoption process. As a supporter of a birth mother, knowing how to help or what to do in the situation can be challenging. Whether you are a birth mother’s friend, partner, or family member, this is a crucial time to step up and show your love and loyalty. Here are our tips on supporting the birth mother in your life.
Listen
Often, when we’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, we just need someone to talk to. As a birth mother is experiencing so many emotions, be an anchor. Having a dependable person in their life can bring them peace and calm. Be a solid, supportive person that they can always come to. Actively listening to the birth mother without interrupting is a great way to make them feel loved.
Give Them Time
Every birth mother reacts differently; sometimes, they need time and space. This allows them to process and handle their feelings. If they ask you for privacy, respect them and offer your support whenever needed. Some people may need a week to process their emotions, while others may require several months. The healing journey has no time limit, and we must learn to respect that.
Don’t Pretend to Understand
The birth mother experience is unique. No two situations are the exact same. Pretending to understand what a birth mother is going through can be hurtful. Trying to relate to their situation can lead to them feeling resentful or aggressive towards you. Instead of trying to relate to them, listen to their perspective. Validate their feelings and recognize what they are going through.
Be Prepared
Birth mothers may feel a wide variety of emotions, including grief, sadness, and worry. Research has also indicated that birth mothers can feel relief and peace after placing their child(ren) for adoption. Be prepared for them to have mixed emotions. Stay supportive throughout their journey as they cope. Coping with adoption can bring unpredictable reactions, so you should be ready for whatever may come.
Recommend Therapy
Birth mothers may want to utilize therapy to manage their emotions and work through challenges. There are various types of therapy, and everyone can find the right match for them. Adoptions From The Heart (AFTH) offers support groups where birth parents can receive support from adoption professionals and others going through or who have gone through the same process. This is a great place to start, especially if they are uncomfortable with the idea of therapy. Find out more about AFTH support groups here.
Everyone shows support and love in different ways. You should do whatever feels right and is most comfortable for you and the birth mother. All of these suggestions are a great starting point, but you can also ask the birth mother in your life how they need to be supported. Just asking how they’re doing and how you can help shows that you care for them. For further resources and information on supporting birth mothers, visit our homepage https://afth.org/.
