Since Maxine Chalker started Adoptions from The Heart, then called ‘The Adoption Agency,’ in 1985, the mission and goals of the organization have been focused on open adoption and the importance of supporting everyone in the adoption triad through such kinds of adoptions. As an agency committed to these values, our whole staff knows and understands the definition of an open adoption. However, we wanted to explore and share with you what open adoption means to AFTH staffers through personal stories, songs, poems, and self-produced definitions. In this two part series, you’ll find some differences in word choice or stories, but mostly you’ll find the unifying themes of love, respect, and compassion.
What Open Adoption Means to Me, by AFTH Employees
The general explanation I normally give people, “the ability for birth parents to connect with adoptive parents, all in the best interest of the child.”
I believe that open adoption is not just one point in time, but rather a gradual growth. In my experience, both parties are normally nervous/cautious/hesitant at first. Meeting anyone initially is always a new experience, and trust is not given but rather earned. Open adoption allows for both sides to connect, with the ability to gradually grow that relationship into something that best fits everyone’s comfort level. The ultimate goal is for a child to grow up knowing his or her story, and having all these amazing people to love him or her.
Openness = less doubt, less insecurity, and less questioning for the child, which in turn improves confidence and self esteem.
I believe open adoption is the ultimate way for a mother to say “I love you more”. To me, it says “I love you more than I may be able to show you, I love you more than my own peace of mind, and I will continue to love you more with each day I watch you grow with your adoptive family”.
Open Adoption to me is a beautiful word for family! As a social worker, when counseling with all parts of the adoption triad, the explanation to my clients on open adoption is family , trust , dedication and loyalty.
And most important, honesty ! They are embarking on a journey like no other where they have not only gained another family to love, but a friendship that will last a lifetime. This one child has brought two families together in a unquie way.
Only the parts of the triad can have this journey together and believe in one another to make it work . I have had the privalaige for over 16 years of watching families grow and watch the world of ” Open Adoption ” become a gift and not something scary or to hide from . Adoption is not only my career choice but my passion and I am honored to have found ” open adoption ” to be part of my career.
Open adoption means that my daughter, our daughter, doesn’t only have to hear how much her birthmother loves her and thinks about her but she can hear it directly from her own lips.
Open adoption means our family grew by many, not just one. It means, together we celebrate our diverse told of motherhood in her life. It’s about standing together in love for the same child.
Dee Paddock is a counselor and adoptive mother who spoke at an adoption conference for the Commonwealth of PA and here are some of the great life lessons she shared with me about adoption that I have carried with me:
As social work staff we are here with you and we will be with you through this journey of adoption for all the members of the adoption process. Adoption is JOY and SORROW…..always being woven together in this tapestry we call FAMILY. Children through adoption may have issues around separation, loss, abandonment, rejection, and identity……that birth children in intact families DO NOT HAVE. To adoptive parents: we want to know your story and we want to hear of your deepest loss. We want to know the loss you are weaving into your life, because as a parent, you are the greatest model for these children for how to cope with great loss and great joy in the same experience.
Rabbi Earl Grolman said, “Please don’t try to destroy part of your past because remembering HURTS. Yes, we are children of today and tomorrow but we are also children of YESTERDAY. The past travels with us, and what it was, is what we are”. So in the open adoption process we can celebrate all of who we are and hope to become. Each child comes with generations of past history and we all need to recognize and honor all of who they are, not just the part of their life that began when they arrived in their adoptive home. Our goal is always to maintain the dignity and respect that each individual so richly deserves.
Now that you’ve seen what open adoption means to us here at AFTH, we want to know what it means to you. Share your thoughts or story with us through our social media channels: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr. Help others understand what open adoption is all about. Help us build beautiful families and check out our blog next week for “What Open Adoption Means to Me” Part Two.
