Adoptions From The Heart’s Guide to the First Meeting with the Expecting Parents
Do:
Express Your Feelings with the Expecting Parent:
It is perfectly normal to feel anxious about meeting the expecting parent(s) for the first time. It can almost seem like going on a first date. As prospective adoptive parents, you are about to formulate a relationship with your child’s birth parents. It is common knowledge that first impressions are very important. It is okay for prospective adoptive parents to disclose to the expecting parents that they are nervous/excited about the first meeting, because the reality is that they are too.
Don’t:
Exclusively Ask the Expecting Mother Questions About the Expecting Father and the Baby:
Take this first meeting with the expecting mother to learn simply about HER. Ask the expecting mother about her interests, family, friends and future plans. Of course, it is important to ask the expecting mother about her pregnancy and how she is feeling, but also show that you genuinely care about her as a person.
Do:
Ask What the Expecting Parents Liked About Your Profile:
Your profile obviously stood out to the expecting parents for a positive reason, which is why they are interested in pursuing an initial meeting with you. This open-ended question could lead the expecting parents to mention what they noticed they have in common with you. Knowing that both parties share similar passions and interest could establish some common ground and provide topics of conversation.
Don’t:
Answer Questions Dishonestly:
Do not just say “Yes” to every question the expecting parent may ask because you feel that’s the answer they want to hear. Be honest about EVERYTHING with the expecting parent regarding important factors like your parenting style and how truly open you want the relationship to be. It’s important for you to really listen to what the expecting parents are asking. It is typical for prospective adoptive parents to get along with the expecting parents so well during their first meeting that they give answers like: “Yes of course we could get together every other weekend!” It is wonderful that both party members are getting along famously, but let the relationship evolve gradually. It’s a good idea to mutually ask one another what the concept of an open adoption plan implies. You do not need to come up with a concrete adoption plan right away; however, both parties need to get a sense of the other person’s expectations for the future relationship with the child.
Do:
Ask What are the Expectations of the Adoptive Parents:
Asking the expecting parents this question will give you an idea of the type environment they want their child to grow up in. This could help the you and expecting parents connect even more if you hold similar morals, hopes and expectations for the child. Both members of the adoption triad are aiming to give the child the best life possible.
