My journey as a father began ten years ago. I was living with my girlfriend, Jackie, in Pittsburgh after moving from Upstate New York. We were a young couple going to college when we were shocked to learn Jackie was pregnant. We felt a range of emotions, including excitement and nervousness. But we ultimately knew that it would be challenging to provide the kind of life we wanted for our child at the time. Already five months along, Jackie and I made the decision to pursue an adoption. Jackie and I contacted Adoptions From The Heart’s (AFTH) Pittsburgh Office. We began working with Joan, our social worker. She did a wonderful job helping us find the right family for our child and developing an adoption plan.
My outlook on fatherhood has been shaped not only by my own experiences, but the way I have been able to relate to other fathers in my life. My father was the first person with whom I shared the news of our adoption plan. From the start, my father was understanding of our decision. He told me that if we felt adoption was the right choice, we should follow our hearts. My father reassured me he would be here to support me, no matter which path I took.
Since the age of three, I have also had a great relationship with my stepfather after my mother remarried. When I shared the news with my mother and stepfather, they were equally supportive. My stepfather made it a point to be there for me whenever I needed help or talk things through. I am proud to say that I have two important men in my life who were very supportive. They never looked down on me or made me feel negative about my decision to pursue adoption. Both men were there to support me every step of the way through my adoption journey.
My life’s journey has only grown throughout the years, with my network, family, and loved ones expanding. My son’s parents and I remain very close and have open communication. We are all connected on social media, in addition to texting and calling each other regularly. I have since moved back to Upstate New York, requiring more travel than before. However, my son’s parents and I try to visit each other whenever possible. I experience fatherhood from multiple perspectives, not only as a birth father but as a stepfather to a wonderful son as well. My wife and I visited my son’s adoptive family together some years ago. Everyone got along beautifully, and I could not have been happier.
Celebrating holidays has always been a positive experience for me. After placing, Jackie and I celebrated Mother’s and Father’s Day, respectively. We would always make it a point to celebrate, even something as simple as going out for dinner to honor our journey. My parents also recognized my role as a birth father, wishing me a Happy Father’s Day each year. Today, I celebrate both as my birth son’s first father and as a father to my stepson, who I love as my own. Being able to celebrate this way is great, as I can incorporate both of my sons and my birth son’s father into our traditions. Even when we cannot get together in person, my son’s father and I send each other well wishes for the holiday every year.
To build a relationship and open adoption like what I share with my son and his family requires a crucial component, honesty. When getting to know my son’s parents, Jackie and I spoke up for ourselves and shared what we would like to see in our plan. We knew we wanted to have an open adoption with communication, video, pictures, and visits. The relationship-building between adoptive and birth parents stems from this kind of honesty.
There are more ways to become a father than one. Working with AFTH has opened my eyes to how many birth fathers there are with similar, powerful stories. Each time I participate in the agency’s fundraisers and AFTHtv, I see fathers who are on the same journey and willing to share their stories.
To all the birth fathers out there, I encourage you to speak up for yourselves. Know that you are not alone.
Sincerely,
Kyle
