Birth Father’s Story
My girlfriend and I both grew up in upstate New York. When Jackie decided to move to Pittsburgh to go to school I came with her. We shared a small efficiency apartment and a one bench truck. I was working full time while finishing-up school. But after a while, we had broken up and I had moved back to New York. A few months later I got a phone call from Pittsburgh, late one night. Jackie had discovered she was pregnant. She was already 5 months but never showed and she barely had any symptoms of pregnancy.
At first I felt mad and very scared. I was mad because I didn’t know how this could happen. I felt that everything around me stopped and I was alone with nowhere to run to. My mom and I are very close, but this is was one of those things that I felt like I had to hide and deal with on my own. So I moved back-in with Jackie. We started going to the doctor and making sure our baby was taken care of. But I was only 19 and Jackie was 20. We were both still in school. Neither of us had much money and we didn’t want the government to take care of us. We had a lot of bills and the truck I had could never fit a child’s car seat. But in the back of our minds we kept thinking how we wanted to have the baby in our lives. Together, we decided we had to tell our parents next.
Both Jackie and I come from split homes so we had to deliver the news four times. Both my parents and Jackie’s Dad assured us they would stand by our side regardless of the decision we made; Jackie’s Mom was another story. At first she chose to disown Jackie and she wanted absolutely nothing to do with us. Then Jackie’s Mom told her she needed to move back home, back to upstate New York and away from me. We couldn’t do it. We tried to see what our other options were, so that’s when we decided to call Adoptions From The Heart. After hearing about them on the radio, we didn’t really know what to think about it because it was only from listening to an advertisement, but looking back, we are really glad we called.
Once we spoke with people at the Adoptions From The Heart, we thought adoption was the best thing for us to do. We called up our parents and told them we had decided. Everyone’s family was heartbroken at first, but they still did their best support our decision; except Jackie’s mom. She told Jackie to move to South Carolina with her sister and that I was to have nothing to do with Jackie or our baby. We said no. We told her we would stay strong in our decision. There was a reason we chose adoption for our son.
After talking to Adoptions From the Heart initially, we wanted to look at some profiles online to try and get a firsthand idea of how this whole process worked. From what we understood, not every family from the website may be available as a match. Basically each family has their own profile and a set of information that says which types of situations would be a fit for them. There was a chance that some of the families online wouldn’t be a match for us but we were eager to get started.
At the time I was working at a print shop. I went online and printed off three color copies of each profile, needless to say, it was a lot of profiles. After a long night of printing a paper box full of profiles I brought them home to Jackie. Together we sat down the next day and sorted through them.
You’re probably wondering why I printed three of each. We made three stacks. One was for Jackie, one for me, and the third we left for later. We went to opposite ends of our little apartment and alone we read every single profile and highlighted things we liked about each family. Jackie’s were highlighted in pink, mine in blue. On the back page we would write down any questions we would ask the family if met them. At 2:00am we were finished. Jackie and I sat together in the middle of our apartment with the third and final stack. We took out our yellow highlighter and highlighted the things that we both had liked in our own stacks.
We got to one particular profile. I had highlighted the whole thing blue. Jackie said the same thing, hers was all pink. This was our family. We put that profile aside and decided that if our adoption counselor presented us with that family as waiting, we would choose them.
They seemed just like Jackie and I, only a little bit older. They were fun and had a lot going for them. The two of them loved to take trips. Jackie and I always take trips and we try to explore new places. They had a huge family, like me. They were laid back and seemed to always be around kids. The husband in the profile was really close to his mom, so am I. We wanted to know that our son would have grandparents in his life too. He also loved to work in the yard which is what I would always be doing if I had my own house. We enjoy the same types of movies and I knew we would have lots to talk about. We felt like this couple would raise our baby the way Jackie and I would have liked to.
When the day came for a meeting with our adoption counselor, Joan, she brought us a huge stack of profiles. Half-way through her stack we hadn’t seen our chosen family and we were getting a little scared. We kept reading anyway, giving the other families a fair chance. The very last profile we got to was the one we were looking for. Jackie and I told Joan we wanted to meet them.
A day later we received a phone call saying that our family wanted to come meet us also. When we had decided to meet at a local restaurant, when we got there we were both scared and happy. Jackie and I were sitting by a back window, so nervous to meet them. We sat there hoping they would like us. Through the window we saw them walking up the restaurant door. They began walking passed us and I being the shy guy that I am gave Jackie a nudge. I could tell she was just as nervous. I looked up and called their names. She looked right at me and Jackie and began to cry.
Once Joan arrived, we sat down to our table and began talking; before we knew it two hours had passed by. Joan had come for the meeting but had to leave for another appointment, Jackie and I stayed with the family. We enjoyed our dinner and some ice cream. When it was getting late Jackie wanted to go home and get some sleep and so did the family, it was an emotional day for all of us. We said our good-byes and exchanged phone numbers. But when we left, Jackie and I knew that no matter what they were right for us.
On August 31st, we were getting ready for bed when Jackie’s water broke. I started to call the doctors and they said to bring her in. On our way we called everyone in our phone books to let them know it was happening. On September 1st Jackie delivered our baby boy. My birthday is September 3rd so we spent some time in the hospital with our son until my birthday, I’m so thankful for that.
Every year we try and go visit him for his (and my) birthday. We get updates every two weeks and we can schedule a visit him anytime throughout the year. We are truly glad that we did what we did. Our son is happy and he has everything that Jackie and I could not provide for him. He is such a happy little boy.