It’s time for round two!! We wanted to explore and share with you what open adoption means to AFTH staffers. They share through personal stories, songs, poems, and self-produced definitions. In this two part series, you’ll find some differences in word choice or stories. Mostly you’ll find the unifying themes of love, respect, and compassion.
What Open Adoption Means to Me, by AFTH Employees
To me, Open Adoption means having an open mind. There is no way to tell what your open adoption is going to look like, and like all relationships, it changes over time. Being flexible is key.
What adoption means to me. Since I have been working with Adoption from the Heart. When I think of open adoption. A person might think that you’ll need to meet with your child frequently and have a relationship with the adoptive parents.
It’s a way of ensuring that your child has the ability to learn about his or her past and connect with you if you are both interested, you choose how much contact you’d like to have with your child’s adoptive family. Open adoption looks different for every family.
Some birth mothers might choose to keep the lines of communication open, but they aren’t able to meet with the family on an ongoing basis or may not choose to do so. Others choose to get information about their child over time. Photos and email updates can help a birth mother keep track of what’s going on in her child’s life. Other birth mothers choose to stay very involved. The birth mother might meet regularly with the adoptive family and child and provide information and insights to the adoptive family.
It is always a pleasure seeing how happy an adoptive parent is once receiving their baby. It is a joy to know when a BM knows in her current life situation that she may not be able to give her child what they will need in life and make that very hard decision to do adoption.
To me, open adoption is a portrait that was painted for me when I first began working for AFTH. Open adoption is a straight, African American woman and a gay, Caucasian man sitting at a picnic table together. Her eyes are on the baby in her arms, a baby who clearly resembles her in every way. His eyes are on her as she holds the infant, and he watches her with pure joy. Both sets of eyes have immense love in them. Both individuals, despite their clear differences, are unified around one tiny baby. To me, there isn’t a more perfect representation of open adoption.
The Legacy of a Child in an Open Adoption
I think open adoption means different things to different people. To me it is most touching when adoptive families really “get it.” Instead of being judgmental or afraid of building a relationship with their child’s birth parents, they are excited about it. I have an adoptive family that I’m working with now who were placed recently and every time I talk to them, they not only talk about how the baby is doing, but about how her birth mom is doing and how grateful they are to her and for their relationship with her. Everyone in this open adoption relationship will benefit from their positive view of their daughter’s birth mom as they grow together.
Open adoption is a relationship that is formed between the birth family and the adoptive family and child. It is a relationship that can grow over time and we hope that ends up being an extension of family for both parties.
My very first placement was with a woman who initially didn’t want any contact at all. She did choose a family, but decided not to see the baby in the hospital or meet the family. Within the first month of placement she called and stated that she regretted not seeing her son and meeting his family, so we scheduled a visit. After that first visit they began to have contact on their own and have a wonderful open adoption relationship now! -Danielle G.
Open Adoption means expanding your family and your heart. There are a lot of unknowns in life in general. With adoption, you can bet on adding a lot more unknowns. Starting a beautiful open relationship with a child’s birth family (whether that’s mom, dad, grandparent, siblings, etc.) from the very beginning only helps in reducing some of those unknowns. Enabling a child that kind of open and familiar access to their birth family questions makes everyone’s lives a lot easier down the road.
You’ve seen what open adoption means to us here at AFTH. Now we want to know what it means to you. Share your thoughts or stories with us through our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr. You can help others understand what open adoption is all about.
