I recently had a chance to sit with Adoption Counselor, Amanda Aliberti, from Adoptions From The Heart’s (AFTH) Delaware office. We discussed the best ways adoptive and birth parents can establish and maintain healthy communication.
Trust
The key to any healthy relationship after placing a baby up for adoption always involves this keyword: Trust. No relationship can work without this crucial component. Amanda noted that all of the families she has known with successful communication say they trusted one another. Adoptive parents should be willing to accept the birth parents for who they are. Amanda explained that birth parents often want to know adoptive parents “embrace me as a person, not just as a birth parent.”
Effort
Although trust is the foundation of a good relationship, this is not the only requirement to make it successful. Everyone involved should be willing to put in the work to maintain not only communication but a bond as well. If comfortable, consider reaching out to the other party beyond your agency’s requirements or adoption plan. View your interactions with your child’s birth or adoptive parents in a positive light. In general, people can have a tendency to look at requirements as “quota” they have to meet and believe nothing else is required. This can be a harmful mindset to have in any relationship, but even more so within the Adoption triad. Going the extra mile to send a thoughtful letter or a make phone call could be encouraging. This effort shows the other party that you genuinely care about making a connection.
Commitment
Adoption is a life-long journey and commitment. Whether you have placed or you are adopting, you are making a commitment to your entire triad. Each member will forever be connected to one another. This is why it is ideal to maintain your relationships. It may be easy to think that once your child becomes an adult, the responsibility of maintaining contact rests with them. But, this should not be the case. Keeping in touch even after your child has become an adult sets an excellent example for them and reinforces the idea that each parent is and will always be a part of your child’s family.
Change
Every relationship eventually experiences change, and there may come a time when a member of your triad needs to make an adjustment in the amount of openness you all have. Understand that asking for change is fine, and your feelings are valid. Amanda highly suggests you reach out to your social worker or an agency in cases such as these. She explained that one of the benefits of working with an agency, such as Adoptions From The Heart, is that they are always there for your family. Should you need help, your social worker can step in as a mediator. They can explain that there may be a more effective way of communicating that is comfortable for everyone. Hearing this news from a third-party in a neutral environment could decrease the likelihood of hurting the other party’s feelings.
Amanda, who also hosts AFTHtv, recommends that parents watch the series, especially episodes that include the triad. She has had clients tell her that hearing from other members of the triad completely changed their perspective. The series allows viewers to look at adoption from multiple angles, hearing from people who have already gone through the process themselves.
For more information please visit:
AFTHtv Special: The Unheard Voices of Birth Mothers: https://bit.ly/3oCvixi
Support Groups for Adoptive Families: https://bit.ly/2TxGL3e
Did you search: “how to put a baby up for adoption”, you are in the right place.
