What is “Heart to Heart”
This July, Adoptions From The Heart hosted its third-ever virtual Heart to Heart event, highlighting adoptees and their stories. Oftentimes, Adoptees are misheard, and their experiences are overlooked. People often make assumptions or stigmatize adoptees before hearing what they say. Adoptees each come from different backgrounds and have their own unique stories that shape them. Understanding the adoptee’s journey is crucial to open adoption as a whole. It lays the foundation for the birth parent who chooses to place their child and the adoptive parent who wishes to build their family. In this panel, adoptees were given a chance to talk about adoption from their perspectives. At the same time, attendees watched and joined the discussion at the end, asking questions and sharing why it is so powerful to hear the voices of all triad members. During the event, AFTH founder Maxine Chalker also paid a visit and talked about her adoption journey and why she felt called to open her agency back when no one believed it would work. And a big thanks to our sponsor, WSFS bank. Because of you, AFTH had a fantastic raffle that included a Samsung Galaxy tablet!
The Panel
This Heart to Heart Event was all about adoptees featuring four remarkable individuals who were brave and open to sharing their stories with the world. Our first adoptee, Colleen, was born in New Jersey in 2000 and placed, through AFTH, with her forever family in Pennsylvania. She also has a younger sister who was placed through AFTH and two birth half-siblings with whom she has also built a relationship. Colleen’s parents always encouraged her relationship with her birth mother and saw the benefit of open adoption. Today, Colleen works as a Public Relations/Marketing Intern at AFTH.
Next, we had Thomas. Thomas was placed in 2004 through AFTH. He was born in Delaware and placed with his forever family in Philadelphia, PA. While his birth mother chose not to have direct contact initially, Thomas’ mother and father were committed to sending regular picture/letter updates to her, laying the foundation for him and his birth mom to build a beautiful relationship. Thomas has a younger adoptive sibling who was also placed through AFTH.
We also had Sammy join us, who was placed for adoption in 1999 through AFTH’s New Jersey office. While Sammy’s birth parents chose not to have regular contact with the family, Sammy’s parents continued to send updates throughout her life. She has since built a close relationship with her birth aunt and maintains a close-knit relationship with her birth half-siblings. Sammy has two siblings in her family who were also adopted.
And Finally, we were joined by Alexis. Alexis was placed for adoption in 2000 through AFTH. She was born in Pennsylvania and placed through our New Jersey office. Alexis has more of a closed adoption, as her birth mother has never been ready to have contact. However, Alexis’ parents have always been very transparent with her about her birth story and created a safe space for her to ask questions or express concerns, which is essential for adoptees as they grow older.
The Discussion
The adoptees answered some tough questions throughout the night, discussing topics like how adoption was talked about at home or if it was hard having no contact with birth parents throughout their lives. Each shared different perspectives and stories, but all the adoptees agreed that adoption was an open conversation with their adoptive parents. None of the adoptees felt they couldn’t talk openly with their families. Then we talked about adoption misconceptions because, let’s face it, adoption is complex and often involves many layers and variables relationships. While open adoption has come very far, there are still a lot of stereotypes and stigmas associated with adoptees as a whole. The adoptees shared misconceptions they heard and what they would like others to know about the adoptee experience.
Then we touched on different levels of openness, as some of our guests have siblings who are also adoptees. Navigating more than one open adoption can sometimes be challenging, as different relationships can cause friction. They discussed how their adoptive parents navigated this growing up and their advice to others in similar circumstances. Tommy gave a great answer, expressing how each adoptee is different and has different feelings and opinions on adoption. He talked about wanting a relationship with his birth mother but having a sibling who wanted the opposite. Both are normal things to feel as an adoptee, yet are something that is often stigmatized in the adoption community; since you are adopted, you must want to search for your birth parents. That is not always the case.
We ended the discussion, asking the adoptees about their takes on birth parents and how people can better serve adoptees. The responses touched our attendees because each adoptee had beautiful words to describe birth parents like; selfless, dedicated, and life-changing. We were amazed to see and learn that even adoptees that don’t have their birth parents in their lives had such nice things to say about their decision to place them with families they know could love and provide a better life and opportunities. As a whole, we, as an agency, got to learn how to better serve adoptees by keeping the conversation going and never leaving an adoptee out of the adoption triad when talking about adoption stories and opinions.
Acknowledges
Thank you to Colleen, Thomas, Sammy, and Alexis for taking time out of your day to help bring this event together! Conversations like these are life-changing for some and healing for others. Also, thank you to everyone who attended, as the contributions, continued support, and donations helped us hit our fundraising goal to better support our programs and services. We thank our sponsor, WSFS bank, for helping us in our mission! If you don’t want to miss our next Heart to Heart, make sure you stay up to date with our events calendar linked below!
afth.org
