Follow along with Donna Steacker’s domestic adoption story of her two children, Hannah and LJ.
Adoption is a beautiful and unique way to build a family, but it often comes with its own set of challenges and heartwarming moments. Our adoption story is a testament to the power of love and the strength of family bonds. We didn’t keep our kids’ adoption a secret; instead, we embraced it and shared our journey with our community.
Why We Chose to Adopt
Our decision to adopt was rooted in our deep desire to have children as part of our lives. Medical reasons initially prevented us from having biological children, but we were unwavering in our commitment to parenthood, no matter how our children came into our lives.
Our Adoption Story and Journey
After 10 years together, my husband, Lou, and I began exploring adoption. We considered various options, and through a coworker’s positive experience with foster-to-adopt in Pennsylvania, we decided to join the New Jersey Foster program. On Thanksgiving Day, Lou and I decided to tell the family about our plans to expand our family. We were met with a range of reactions when we shared our plans, from harsh statements out of fear to overwhelming joy out of pure excitement.
On Christmas day, we received a call that would change our lives. A cousin of my husband’s had met an expectant mother who was considering adoption. After meeting with her personally, we embarked on a unique journey. We built a strong bond with the expecting mother supporting her through doctor’s appointments, sharing meals, and being present during the labor and delivery of our son.
The legal process was lengthy, but eventually, our son became officially part of our family. We maintained a connection with his birth mother over the years, and our son also met his birth father.
Our family continued to grow when we adopted our daughter. This time, we met the expecting mother in a diner and discussed her hopes for her child. Despite our differences in parenting philosophies, she trusted us to provide a loving home for her daughter. After our daughter’s birth and an emotional meeting with her birth mother and her mother, our daughter became an integral part of our family.
The way in which we got our children was definitely not conventional, and though we are eternally grateful to have them in our lives, I could not emphasize enough the importance of working through an agency or a social worker.
Challenges and Preparation During the Adoption Process
The legal proceedings for both adoptions were an extremely stressful time, lasting 18 months each. We wanted what was best for the children and their birth mothers. We had to make sure all the legal items were properly processed for all parties involved. This created an 18-month worry of disruption, as we adopted them independently and without the guidance of an agency. Despite these challenges, we remained hopeful and committed to our growing family.
We chose to keep our adoption plans relatively quiet until the children were securely in our homes. This cautious approach helped us manage potential disappointments if circumstances changed. We celebrated with baby showers and shared the news with our church community once the children were home, bringing immense joy to our extended family.
Telling Our Children About Their Stories
From a young age, we shared stories and photos of our children’s adoption journeys. We celebrated their adoption finalization day with cake and presents, making sure our children understood the concept of adoption by fully integrating into our family and community.
Handling Questions and Comments About Our Family
We handled each question and comment based on the source. We were totally fine with talking about adoption when it came from a place of wanting to learn, and not wanting to judge. Negative comments were not welcome coming into our home. This was our choice and sometimes that is the answer we give. We surrounded ourselves with positive comments.
Unique Challenges and Opportunities in Parenting Adopted Children
Parenting adopted children comes with unique challenges, especially with one open and one closed adoption. Each child struggled with their adoption journey in different ways at different ages. Counseling was essential, especially when their father lost a hard battle with cancer. Adolescence was a particularly challenging period as our children navigated their identities in a world where adoption made them unique.
Our local community and church played crucial roles in providing support during our adoption journey. We connected with other adoptive moms who shared their experiences. These networks offered a sense of belonging and reassurance in times of doubt.
Advice for Those Considering Adoption
For anyone considering adoption or starting their adoption journey, we offer some advice:
- Do Your Homework: Understand the legal aspects of adoption and be prepared for a potentially lengthy process.
- Keep Expectations Realistic: Remember that all children, whether biological or adopted, are unique individuals. Your role is to guide and support them.
- Reach Out for Help: Don’t be afraid to seek support from your family, friends, and the adoption community. It truly takes a village.
- Treasure the Blessings: Adoption is a journey filled with challenges and incredible memories. Embrace the love and joy it brings into your life.
Adoption is a journey worth taking, and we hope our story inspires others to consider the path of adoption as a beautiful way to create a loving family.
