By: AFTH Communications Intern, Kevonne Bennett
I recently had the opportunity to speak with one of Adoptions From The Heart’s (AFTH) birth fathers, Samai. (You may already know him as a frequent AFTHtv guest.) Samai graciously shared his story with me, detailing his adoption journey.
Several years ago, Samai had been in a committed relationship with his child’s birth mother. All things seemed to be going well. The couple, who were both parents from previous relationships, was happy and progressing in their relationship. They had met each other’s families and were quite excited about their future together.
After some time, the relationship began to deteriorate. It was also at this time that Samai’s girlfriend discovered she was pregnant. The couple found themselves at a crossroads. Samai was excited about the news and wanted to parent. However, his girlfriend, dealing with the emotional impact of her previous abusive relationship, was not ready to take on the responsibility. She initially decided to explore other options. But, because of her circumstances, she found herself unable to follow through with the alternatives.
Unable to go forward with another alternative and not prepared to parent, his child’s mother informed him that she would be placing the child for adoption. Samai knew the types of stigmas attached to adoption and did not want to be perceived as not wanting to have his child. Samai proposed the idea of him raising their child by himself. However, the birth mother rejected the idea. The situation had been compounded by the fact that Samai was facing limited options legally. He was attending college at the time and had previously been incarcerated years prior. Unfortunately, these details had the potential to negatively impact his case should he decide to fight in court.
Although this had not been Samai’s ideal choice, he made it a priority to be involved in the placement every step of the way. The birth mother soon reached out to AFTH’s Delaware office. From there, the pair began their adoption journey. Learning more about AFTH and the agency’s idea of openness, Samai became more comfortable with placing. He was adamant about maintaining contact with his child and the adoptive family.
The first time Samai had physically visited AFTH’s office was to begin looking at families to place his son with. He says he was given a very diverse list of families to choose from. Race was not the most crucial factor in deciding on a family. However, Samai, who is African-American, says that ideally, he wanted to place his son with a family of the same racial background. In addition, he wanted a family that could provide the best environment possible.
Overall, the decision process did not take long as the pair chose from the first group of families they were shown. They ultimately chose a family consisting of a husband and wife, who worked as a lawyer and schoolteacher, respectively. Samai describes knowing they were the right choice. He says that upon seeing the couple, “they just looked like parents.” The couple’s background, along with their warmth, led to Samai and his son’s mother’s agreement to place with them.
As per AFTH’s minimum requirements, the openness between Samai and the adoptive parents began to grow after his son’s birth. He received pictures of his son about every month through the agency. It was around this time that Samai realized his son’s birth mother was not picking up her set of pictures. From his knowledge, she was involved for the first few months after placing. She then slowly tapered off her contact with the agency and Samai himself.
This did not deter Samai from maintaining contact with his son’s family. Eventually after sending pictures, his son’s parents asked if he would like to see his son. The parents arranged their first visit at AFTH’s office. From there, they began to meet more casually. They started going out for meals together. He and the family even started making trips to Sesame Place and The Children’s Museum.
As of today, Samai’s life has changed dramatically since placing his son for adoption. He earned his degree and is working in Human Services. He is also married to his wife and raising their three children. He continues to have a relationship with his son’s adoptive parents. His wife has been extremely supportive and been involved in his visits. Samai’s relationship with the adoptive family has even grown to the point where they have direct communication. The parents have exchanged numbers and shared social media accounts with each other.
As we came to the end of his story, I asked Samai if he had any advice for fathers considering adoption. He recommended that expecting fathers who are unsure of their ability to provide a sustainable environment for their child consider Adoptions From The Heart. He went on to explain that the agency offers a greater opportunity for birth fathers to be involved than some organizations.
I also asked him what he would like others to know about birth fathers in general. Samai strongly encourages other fathers to come forward with their stories, regardless of how they came about. Fathers are not often recognized or acknowledged as they should be. It would be enriching to hear from more fathers not only in regard to adoption but fathering as well.
To learn more about Samai and fellow AFTH birth fathers please visit:
AFTHtv S4Ep6 My journey as a Birth Father: https://bit.ly/2IMRh4k
AFTHtv S5Ep4 Birth Father to Birth Father: https://bit.ly/3lPqmDO
AFTHtv S6Ep7a Questions for our Birth Parent Panel PART 1: https://bit.ly/3pGzZqA
